Monday, May 25, 2009
Depression as defined in dictionary is a condition of general emotional dejection and withdrawal; sadness greater and more prolonged than that warranted by any objective reason. But I understand it as a discrepancy between hope and fulfillment. I was in my early 20's at that time when an uncontrollable crisis in my family arise. I was asked by my sister to take care of her kids, and I don't see anything wrong about it though I admit that taking care of his boys was a bit tiresome (I took care of them since they were all babies and their age gap is close to each other, that is why...). As the saying goes you cannot please everybody. I tried as hard as I can in taking care of her kids until this untoward accident happened. At that time I was preparing our food in the kitchen when I heard Arvin her youngest son cried, he accidentally slipped on his trolley making his head hits the floor. I know I was in great trouble but I thanked God that nothing bad had happened to my nephew. When my sister found out what happened she was extremely furious about it, and the worst is, it turned out into a huge fight that I have to walk away from home. From then on a series of unfortunate event happened to me.. It is as if I was the most unfortunate person living in surface of this planet. It was the most painful thing that ever happened to me after my dad and my eldest sister died. I cannot comprehend the situation, My family is breaking apart right in my very eyes. After I left our home, my mom and my sister ignored each other. They are all living together and yet it seems there is this cold war happening to them. My elder brother was also affected that he seldom stayed in our house. It was a disaster, I left with nothing and no one to turned to. I don't know what happened that even my boyfriend broke-up with me. I was totally broken, I'm jobless, homeless, and loveless.
With all this happening to me. I thought that I was the lowest life form God ever created, that it made me wonder what is my purpose of being here on planet Earth. I cannot count on how many nights I've been crying myself to sleep. I was scared to face the mirror because I cannot afford to see myself in that situation. If there's this one thing I can call mine, that is my Bible given to me by my mom. I turned its pages and I found this bible verse in Lamentation 3:19-24 it says here that "The thought of my pain, my homelessness is bitter poison, I think about it and my spirit is depressed.yet hope returns when I remember this one thing. The Lord's unfailing love and mercy still continue. Fresh as the morning as sure as the sunrise. The Lord is all I have and so in him I put my hope." It says here in the remaining verses that the Lord is good to those who trusts in him. After I read this verse I break down and cry. I realize that during those time when I'm suffering alone God is there listening in total silence waiting for me to turn to him. I realize that even if nobody remains to my side I know God will do. And what really touches my heart is the thought that even if nobody seems to care, nobody seems to understands and to love me the way I am. I have My Lord Jesus to take care of me. I have him to save my day. I have his love that is much greater than anything in this world.
With all this in my mind, I started to build bridges on my own. I ask for my sister's forgiveness and I start being more optimistic. In a blink of an eye, I can't believe that what had been broken was fixed. We are both healed and he turned everything back into normal. I admit my family is far from being a normal family. But I love this family and I will always be grateful that God gave me the opportunity to be with them.
Now I can see clearly his plans for my family. I just pray that someday I will be able to bring them all closer to God. I thank God for his unfailing love for me and for my family. And I thank him for reminding me that I am not alone. I don't have anything to offer him in return. That is why I decided to share with you one of my personal experiences with him. I know each and everyone of us is given with our own set of trials and no matter what we are facing now. we only have one answer. And it has to be Jesus nothing more nothing less.
Have a Blesed day......
Till next time...
So lonely ... 9:23 PM
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I am a God fearing person. I love to sleep, eat, surf the net, Oh I forgot to tell you guys I love to write, I usually have my writings displayed even though I know that no one seems to like it anyway.I'm sentimental and spiritual. I'm in love with God and I intend to make the whole wide world knows all about him. My redeemer.I just wanted to share with you my ups and downs as a Christian, my losses and triumphs as I'm pursuing God's plan for me and my family. I know that theres a lot of time in which I screwed-up, a lot of 2nd chances I blew-up, but I'm glad that God never gave-up on me. If you want to know more about me. Visit my profile and feel free to read on my blogs... God is working in his own mysterious ways and I hope somehow I can help you in finding your ways back in God's loving arms.
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