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Monday, May 25, 2009


Depression as defined in dictionary is a condition of general emotional dejection and withdrawal; sadness greater and more prolonged than that warranted by any objective reason. But I understand it as a discrepancy between hope and fulfillment. I was in my early 20's at that time when an uncontrollable crisis in my family arise. I was asked by my sister to take care of her kids, and I don't see anything wrong about it though I admit that taking care of his boys was a bit tiresome (I took care of them since they were all babies and their age gap is close to each other, that is why...). As the saying goes you cannot please everybody. I tried as hard as I can in taking care of her kids until this untoward accident happened. At that time I was preparing our food in the kitchen when I heard Arvin her youngest son cried, he accidentally slipped on his trolley making his head hits the floor. I know I was in great trouble but I thanked God that nothing bad had happened to my nephew. When my sister found out what happened she was extremely furious about it, and the worst is, it turned out into a huge fight that I have to walk away from home. From then on a series of unfortunate event happened to me.. It is as if I was the most unfortunate person living in surface of this planet. It was the most painful thing that ever happened to me after my dad and my eldest sister died. I cannot comprehend the situation, My family is breaking apart right in my very eyes. After I left our home, my mom and my sister ignored each other. They are all living together and yet it seems there is this cold war happening to them. My elder brother was also affected that he seldom stayed in our house. It was a disaster, I left with nothing and no one to turned to. I don't know what happened that even my boyfriend broke-up with me. I was totally broken, I'm jobless, homeless, and loveless.

With all this happening to me. I thought that I was the lowest life form God ever created, that it made me wonder what is my purpose of being here on planet Earth. I cannot count on how many nights I've been crying myself to sleep. I was scared to face the mirror because I cannot afford to see myself in that situation. If there's this one thing I can call mine, that is my Bible given to me by my mom. I turned its pages and I found this bible verse in Lamentation 3:19-24 it says here that "The thought of my pain, my homelessness is bitter poison, I think about it and my spirit is depressed.yet hope returns when I remember this one thing. The Lord's unfailing love and mercy still continue. Fresh as the morning as sure as the sunrise. The Lord is all I have and so in him I put my hope." It says here in the remaining verses that the Lord is good to those who trusts in him. After I read this verse I break down and cry. I realize that during those time when I'm suffering alone God is there listening in total silence waiting for me to turn to him. I realize that even if nobody remains to my side I know God will do. And what really touches my heart is the thought that even if nobody seems to care, nobody seems to understands and to love me the way I am. I have My Lord Jesus to take care of me. I have him to save my day. I have his love that is much greater than anything in this world.

With all this in my mind, I started to build bridges on my own. I ask for my sister's forgiveness and I start being more optimistic. In a blink of an eye, I can't believe that what had been broken was fixed. We are both healed and he turned everything back into normal. I admit my family is far from being a normal family. But I love this family and I will always be grateful that God gave me the opportunity to be with them.

Now I can see clearly his plans for my family. I just pray that someday I will be able to bring them all closer to God. I thank God for his unfailing love for me and for my family. And I thank him for reminding me that I am not alone. I don't have anything to offer him in return. That is why I decided to share with you one of my personal experiences with him. I know each and everyone of us is given with our own set of trials and no matter what we are facing now. we only have one answer. And it has to be Jesus nothing more nothing less.

Have a Blesed day......
Till next time...

So lonely ... 9:23 PM

This is not a love story but this story is about Love….

I want to share with you some things which I know all of you are already familiar with…

About how Jesus laid down his life just to save us… When I was studying in Letran College, I had this friend who told me that it was just a drama.. To laid down his life and asked us afterward to accept him as our Lord but then again I asked him… “Do you have a girlfriend?” then he stared at me startled with what I just asked him.. and told me “yeah” I asked him again “Do you love her?” he laughed at me as if our conversation had touches something… he then told me “She is my life” I admit, I was really amazed with his answer, I didn’t expect that a guy like him, whom do not believe in God would be able to love a person more than his own life… I smiled and then stared at him as he drove along the south super hi-way… And then I asked him “what will you do if I told you that she’s just fooling around with some other men?”
He gave me a quick glance and told me “Jen, it’s way to impossible, she loves me and you don’t know her enough to judge her?” then I told him “you believe her, don’t you?” and then with an annoying voice he told me “I believe her” a voice full of determination, full of confidence.I told him “You don’t just believe in her, you have faith in her” and then I explained to him that faith is believing in something you didn’t see. and I told him “that’s exactly my point, you don’t know Jesus enough to assume that laying down his life to all of us is nothing but a drama, coz if you did you wouldn’t say those things to me… and if you have faith in him you will believe in his intention of saving us….”

It’s just a matter of choice, whether or not we want to put our faith in him…
And after our conversation that’s when I found out that he never experienced to be loved by any other person except his girlfriend which is of course a non-believer…

I just felt bad that we won’t be able to see each other after I left our college…

That is why I’m writing this story, I want you all to remember that the ultimate reason Jesus suffered and died is because of his LOVE to us even if often times we don’t seem to care at all..

Isn’t it pathetic? he still reaching out to those people who doesn’t believe in him…. Well I should say that’s how great his love to us, that despite our imperfection he chooses us to become his own people….

God is just waiting for us to go back home… Let’s find our ways back in his loving arms…. Isn’t it sad to be alone?

Well, thanks for spending sometime to read this…

Have a Christ centered week…

God Bless….

So lonely ... 11:16 AM


This is my first ever blog, and I admit I am not good enough compared to the others. But what really triggers me to create this is the thought that I might be able to reach out for the millions of youth who are not yet aware that we are all part of God's perfect plan......
But first let me introduce myself, my name is Jay working as a part time teacher in computer basic. I'm teaching in elementary, funny isn't it? I'm a computer teacher and yet I'm not good enough in creating blogs like this, its because my major is business management and not computer. Anyways I'm a born again christian since I was 3 years old, and my mom was one of a pioneering member in our church. I grew-up in a Sunday School class, having all the knowledge and learning's of a christian community. However, during my high school days I realized at that time that it was my mom who wants me to continue serving the Lord and it was out of my personal choice. I felt that she was violating my freewill, at that time I really don't wanna go in our church anymore. I want to spend more time with my friends doing our own personal stuffs and have fun like all young people' s do. For me, it seems that its just a waste of time. I continue being cold in the presence of the Lord, until a tragic lost came on my way.
January 24, 2002 a sudden death of my sister made a huge changes in our life, but it didn't end there 1 month later, after my sister's death. February 25, 2002 I lost my dad. I begun to wonder why it is all been happening to me? I try to talk to my friends hoping they can console me from this unfamiliar pain of losing the one you love and the fact that you will not be able to see them again. The heaviness and the feeling of being broken came upon me one by one, it is as if I was sentence to death over and over again.That is when I start to pray asking Jesus to comfort me. I remember this verse in the Bible, written by Paul in Philippians 3:14 it says there that we can do all things through Christ who strengthen us. I beg for his forgiveness, for doing things on my own. I forgot this one thing, that apart from him (Jesus our Savior) I am nothing. And it came into my senses that it is not him who abandoned me but its me who chose to go to the battle without him. Now I'm back to church, serving the Lord our God who happens to be my redeemer, my friend, my everything that makes me complete... To all who are reading this post. We only have 1 lifetime, make it more meaningful by serving him. He loves us that his willing to give his own life to save us.

Have a fruitful evening with God.... Till next time.....

So lonely ... 9:36 AM

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Lonely ♥
I am a God fearing person. I love to sleep, eat, surf the net, Oh I forgot to tell you guys I love to write, I usually have my writings displayed even though I know that no one seems to like it anyway.I'm sentimental and spiritual. I'm in love with God and I intend to make the whole wide world knows all about him. My redeemer.I just wanted to share with you my ups and downs as a Christian, my losses and triumphs as I'm pursuing God's plan for me and my family. I know that theres a lot of time in which I screwed-up, a lot of 2nd chances I blew-up, but I'm glad that God never gave-up on me. If you want to know more about me. Visit my profile and feel free to read on my blogs... God is working in his own mysterious ways and I hope somehow I can help you in finding your ways back in God's loving arms.

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